Bad Bird!

We're under attack from a wood pecker.
I wish I'd gotten a picture of the little black and white vandal.
He's been pecking on our house for at least a month now.
And such nerve!
When I rush outside and yell, "Bad bird!" at him, he doesn't fly away.
Maybe he's waiting for me to do my crazy dance.
Hopefully the neighbors haven't witnessed me outside, hopping up and down, waving my arms while yelling at my house.

The recent snow makes for great snowballs, but my aim isn't good enough to land a bird-bomb.
Once that melts I'll probably have to buy one of those giant water guns that shoot water about twenty-five feet.

Last year it was those pesky, destructive ground squirrels that made me crazy.
This year, well, I'll most likely have to contact some wildlife expert who can advise me about the best method for repelling woodpeckers.

What amazes me about wildlife is their persistence.
God has programmed into each species what to do to survive and procreate.
And they don't stop doing what they do just because I'm upset about it.

Thursday, 10 AM
Woodpecker: drill that hole.
Me: "Bad bird!"
Woodpecker: drill that hole.
Me: "Get away from my walls!"
Woodpecker: drill, baby, drill.
Me: "Agh!"

Thursday, 10:30 AM
Woodpecker: drill that hole.
Me: "Bad bird!"
Woodpecker: drill that hole.
Me: "Get away from my house, you evil bird!"
Woodpecker: drill, baby, drill.
Me: "God, help me!"

Thursday, 11 AM
You get the drill. (Pardon the pun.)

I suppose I should admire my black and white adversary.
I could take lessons from him in focused persistence.
If I worked at all of my tasks with such stubborn assertion, there's no telling what I could achieve.