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If you enjoy my blog and would like to contact me, you may reach me at this email:

Some of my stories are published in:
A Cup of Comfort Devotional for Mothers and Daughters (Adams Media, 2009)
Chicken Soup: What I Learned from the Dog (2009)
Love is a Flame (Bethany House, 2010)
Extraordinary answers to Prayer (Guideposts, 2010)
Love is a Verb (Bethany House, 2011)
Big Dreams from Small Spaces (Group Publishing, 2012)

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Are You Safe?

I just finished reading an excellent book called SAFE PEOPLE by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. (They also wrote the very excellent BOUNDARIES.)
The book outlines characteristics of un-safe people, those who hurt and bind us in habitually unhealthy ways of thinking, acting and reacting. These people could be parents, friends, business associates, employers, teachers.

Frequently, those who display un-safe characteristics, such as being overly critical, expecting perfection, using guilt, put-downs, unfair comparisons, over-spiritualizing of physical or emotional problems, do so with the desire to "help."
The book then goes on to describe characteristics of safe people. A "safe" person:
displays acceptance and grace
is willing to confront in a loving way
doesn't try to show superiority
doesn't try to control
has other friends
is humble and honest about his/her own struggles
is continually growing in his/her own walk with the Lord.

We've all had experiences with hurt and betrayal at the hands (or tongues) of un-safe people. Reading SAFE PEOPLE was not a pleasant experience because it brought up so many painful memories of people who've hurt me.
I've been on a long journey of learning that it's okay to place boundaries around myself. That's it's acceptable to say, "No, I'm a separate person. I am not you and you are not me. What I am feeling or thinking or experiencing is my own emotion, thought, experience. I have a God-given right to emotional self-preservation.
God bless my wonderful friends in Christ who've understood and respected my boundaries and who've supported my endeavors to grow in this area.
God has, in His wonderful grace, placed "safe" people around me who have blessed me in tremendous ways.
I'd like to be a safe person for others.
Isn't that what the body of Christ is all about?

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." (2 Cor.1:3,4) NIV

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